Life, A - D

So I had a client this week who had a pre-trial conference scheduled on a misdemeanor matter. He also has a felony case pending so we were just going to set my case over to trail the felony.

When the case was called the judge told client - I’ll call him Forrest - that he had a warrant out for failure to comply with the terms of his felony bond.

It was news to both of us. Forrest was visibly upset about having to go to jail right then and there. The judge told him that if he had any belongings that he wanted to give to someone there so he wouldn’t have to take them with him into custody that he could do so.

So Forrest says:

Ok - I’m just gonna give this stuff (holding wallet, etc..) to my dad (as he walks towards the door).

Judge replies:

Mr. Gump, you need to stay in this room.

Forrest replies:

I know, he’s just right outside here waiting for me (slinking closer to the door).

The judge again warns:

Mr. Gump, you cannot leave this room.

At this point Forrest is at the door - pretends to call for dad

and books it like a bat out of hell.

I don’t think I have ever witnessed a human being run that fast.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Out loud. I’m laughing as I type this.

He actually made it, too. Ran so damn fast they didn’t catch him.

He’ll be back, no doubt. But I owe him something for the amusement provided to me (and the rest of the courtroom) that day.

My boss has told me that the judge hasn’t complained about me…so that is a good thing in his mind.

But the best compliment came from a client. His case looks bad. He wants me to ask the DA for - well, a miracle, really. I tried to explain to him that his record along with the current charge make such an offer HIGHLY unlikely.

He said to me:

“Come on. Work your magic! Everyone in here (jail) tells me your good.”

Aww! My clients think I’m good! That means a lot to me….more than what the judge thinks, really (hope he’s not reading this - in which case I’m totally kidding your honor)

I had my first jury trial today. That in itself was fun. But what was more fun was kicking the state’s ass. Kicking it. Not guilty on all charges.

Wanna guess how long the jury was out for?

No kidding - 15 minutes. (how can you even read through the 15 pages of jury instructions that fast?)

That was seriously fun.

yet. Man - I could work 80+ hours and still not do the job to the extent I would like to. Hell, 100 hours wouldn’t be enough.  And I’m really not a perfectionist - so that’s kinda sad.

I’ve had a few more firsts:

First real death glare.  The complaining witness in my case happens to be in the same jail as my client.  So when I went to the jail to see a third client the guard walked me through a portion of the jail (otherwise I’d have to go through the labyrinth that is the inner jail simply to get directly downstairs  - very nice of the guard to allow me to bypass all that) anyway, so I walked right past poor, incarcerated “victim” - totally NOT a victim in this case (I wish “big fat liar” was a legal term that I could use at trial) and I got the death glare.  It was kinda hard to see under all that black eyeliner - but it was there.  Her incarcerated buddy joined in on the death glare, too.  I did my best to pretend not to feel it - so I never looked back over - but man, that was fun.  I feel pretty brave as long as she’s dressed in all orange.

I had an objection sustained on me too (is that the proper way to phrase that?).

I tried to get all Boston Legal during a suppression hearing ’cause I was able to get the cop all flustered.  He got pretty defensive and I kept asking him questions to the point of an objection by the DA….sustained - “outside the scope of the hearing”.  DAMNIT! I was on a roll, too!  I need to learn to save it for trial I suppose - but I was so excited to be able to point out such a blatant screw up.

There really are not enough hours in the day for this job.  Time sure flies at work - that’s for sure.

A co-worker was waiting for a jury to return a verdict today.

Finally the jury returned. Guilty of Assault in the third degree.

“That sucks!” I said.

“That’s great!” He replied.

Oh yeah, in my court that’s the max misdemeanor for me (bad)….but a huge drop from the felony his client was facing (good).

I started having sinus issues again after moving back to a very

dry climate from a comfortable sea level town. The wonderful

ladies in my mommy group, who are often just a library of

knowledge, especially when it comes to holistically relieving symptoms of any illness, recommended that I try a Neti Pot.

So I went to Whole foods in search of this contraption and

figured that for the cost of a Dr. co-pay I could purchase one of

these fancy devices. As you can see in the above picture the

Neti pot is so simple a child can use it…and since he’s smiling it

must bring instant relief AND feel good.

Yes, this is what I thought as well. The woman in the picture on

the insert of my Neti pot was smiling bright, the water being

poured up her nostril gently flowing out the other in a stream of

pure relief.

Yeah, I’m not so graceful. The second the water hit my nose I

was gagging on burning salt water, swallowing half and coughing

up the rest with the occasional spray blasting through my other

nostril as if it were a whale’s blow hole. Thank God even my

girls were asleep and not witness to this embarrassing display.

I did finally get the right yoga head pose and relaxed enough for

the water to flow out the other nostril but I sure as hell wasn’t

smiling. And my nasal cavities are still burning. Maybe I just

need practice. Wish me luck.

that happened much sooner than I thought.

1. I won a motions hearing! I got all animated during my argument, too…great fun.

(of course, I must give a shout out to the cop for placing my client under arrest immediately upon contact - placing cuffs on him with his left hand while holding a k-9  with the right AND admitting no Miranda warnings were given at any time….THANK YOU!)

2. A client called to ask me about his case.  He has another pending case in another court room.  I asked if he had an attorney on that case. He replied, “No, just a public defender.”

Wow - they really don’t think we went to law school, do they?

Is this a really cool thing, or a big red flag:

There are at least 12 bottles of Corona in the office refrigerator, along with a bottle of margarita mix and two bottles of tequila on top.

that the people in my new office are awesome. Seriously. There is no tension between the staff, at least not that I can sense. Everyone works together, helps each other out, has each others backs. It’s really nice! The boss is laid back - but on top of everything. He seems to be the type of man that won’t watch the clock and will trust you are doing what you need to do, but will whoop some ass if you’re not doing it.

The secretaries and support staff are so nice and super smart. They are the go-to people. They are appreciated and respected in that office.

It seems like a great environment.

My eyes are dropping on me. It’s waaaaay past my bedtime. I must post more tomorrow.

a Public Defender.  Today was my first day.  If I were not so damn tired I’d tell you all about it.

More to come………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz